Tom, a story of loss and love

Far from wanting to spoil the Xmas spirit, but perhaps to acknowledge the end of a cycle of stillness for us, the end of the year , the beginning of spring and summer in the southern hemisphere and maybe because I lost my father a few days before Xmas too, the subject imposed itself. Don’t worry though it is mostly about love.

Meet Tom. Tom is a Teddy bear that came back from California when we visited last August. Tom is not any teddy bear. He didn’t come from a shop, he wasn’t mass produced. He is unique, hand-made,  he has a story and like a lot of good stories it is full of love.

Tom was made with one of Tom Minor's favorite Hawaiian shirt, him and his wife Jenny very generously hosted our wedding ceremony in their garden on the Sunset Cliffs of San Diego. Once we visited it, everything just fell into place. It was the PERFECT PLACE for us. Jenny is a very good friend of our beautiful Grammy who thought of it, we are not the first and hopefully not the last to prononce wonderful words there.
Sadly, Tom Minor died suddenly last year, Jenny is still in the process of mourning and has to go through the whole deal of what to do with Tom’s belongings, what to give to their family, what to part with, what is meaningful and other so personal things that it can’t be expressed with words. As she was thinking about what to do with Tom's Hawaiian iconic shirts, a friend of her’s proposed to sew up little Teddy bears in the clothes Tom loved. Jenny came to Grammy’s house this summer and gave Tom to Stella "so he could go see the wonders he didn't had time to see but always dreamed of".  Her voice was trembling a bit and our eyes were wet as we welcomed such a personal and precious gift.  And this is how Tom entered our lifes (again).

I have to say that I love the idea. I smile at the thought of Tom being hugged again and again, cuddled, hushed to sleep but also been taken into new adventures, to new lands. And Jenny, we have some travels coming so Tom will soon send you some picture/postcards. « Nothing is created, nothing is lost, everything is transformed », it seems to me that it is kind of an incarnation of the saying.

I wish someone had had this idea for us when we were kids and suddenly, it turned so sour, not that I'm blaming anybody, we have a lot of mementos of our father. Like Tom, my  Papa died unexpectedly, he was very young, younger than me as I am writing this post. We woke up one day, he was gone from the house and he died a few days after at the hospital. I feel like especially for kids it is a powerful gift to make so if ever you have to go through the same thing one day, hopefully in a very, very long time, I hope you can remember that idea and you can find a little bit of peace in it.

I wrote « if ever you have to go through the same thing one day » but unfortunately you will. We all loose someone someday and it is the end of something and it takes a lot to get through. Some people think about it until the end of their life and can’t rebuild anything, some people while not forgetting keep on going, some people seem to lock it in a little drawer and swallow the key. I have never been the forgetting type, I’m not saying it is good or bad, and it has certainly cost me a lot until I did a 2 and a half years of therapy to understand it. But has also made me who I am, it has in some ways, lead me to where I am now and even if it has not been an easy period lately, I feel at peace with everything and I’m turned towards the future. I love my husband, I love my daughter and I can’t wait to keep moving ! Once gain welcome aboard Tom !

To my Papa, I missed you, I miss you and I will miss you, loss belong to the past, the present and the future but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel you around me everywhere, in the wind, in the sun, in the new tastes I discover in my travels and I see you everyday, in my daughter’s smile, not that she looks like you because she doesn’t. But she is the little Teddy bear that came from a little part of you after all those years. I love you.

To Tom and Jenny who in my memories will always be rock’n rolling on my wedding night.What did Tom told me already? Something like 'not too bad for old folks'.

To Ken who even at the end and in a lot of pain was able to remember of love and said to his wife : « I know you, I’ve loved you all my life. » And to Sandy who's learning to live without the love of her life.

To people struggling with their losses whatever they are. I hope you can find a way to accept it, to go on with your life and to be happy again.